


Hiding Behind a Needle

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Arson, Barely Legal, Burns, Concussions, Empath, Framing, Guns, Human Experimentation, Implied Logic | Logan Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, It's hilarous that I had to type that tag out, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Medical Procedures, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Morally Neutral Logic | Logan Sanders, Needles, POV Deceit | Janus Sanders, Prison, Psychological Trauma, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Unethical Experimentation, Unsympathetic Dr. Emile Picani, Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, nobody is okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24208174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Six people show up to a strange building in the middle of nowhere, on nothing but a shady ad.Janus- the burned vetRemus and Roman- the failed artistsVirgil- the desperate college studentPatton- the broken counselorAnd Logan, who won't tell us even that much.They're all desperate. They're all tied together. And one of them knows more than they're letting on about the strange ways of Dr. Picani.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani
Comments: 72
Kudos: 107





	1. A 'Hospital' in the 'Mountains'

**Author's Note:**

> If I need to add any tags, please tell me. This idea has been spinning around in my head after a bunch of short films watched at midnight, and it has finally come to fruition! Right now, I'm thinking around seven chapters, though that may change.
> 
> Everybody's kind of a mess in this, it's barely even angsty they're just tired of life's shit. That said, be wary of the tags!

"My name is Emile Picani. Thank you all for volunteering for this privately funded experiment. Science thrives off people like you who care enough..."

Janus tuned it out. As the first one to arrive, he'd heard the automatic message several times already. Of course, it was all bullshit; the cash prize would make the days he spent here definitely worth it if he won, and that was about the opposite of volunteering. Selflessness. Overrated at best, a trick of smoke and mirrors. Only the most foolish could really fall for that kind of moral trap.

Then again, who was he to talk about foolishness? He, along with everybody else in the room, was making an idiotic gamble. Speaking of everybody else, that were slowly trickling in now. They matched the walls in almost every manner- white, drab, and looking like they could all collapse if you looked at them hard enough.

Which made sense, really. What kind of people but the most idiotic of the desperate would come out to the middle of nowhere for a week, prompted only by a shady ad in the newspaper (with a ridiculous amount promised if you 'won', whatever that meant, and very ominous disclaimers). He doubted it was even legal, but that was a problem for another day. Besides, he thought, tracing the burns on his face, that had never stopped him before. That was why he was here in the first place.

"Hello! How're you doing?" Janus glanced up to see the most recent arrival standing in front of him, holding out his hand. A literal ray of sunshine wouldn't shine a brightly as this guy. It also wouldn't hurt Janus's head as much. The neon blue cardigan seemed designed by the fairy godmother herself, specifically to worsen his pounding headache. He had a smile plastered on his face, but the cracks were shining through like a scalp through a comb-over.

He realized he'd been staring. Curtly, he shook the man's hand. "Janus. I am as well as can be expected, given our..." He smirked, almost out of habit, gesturing at the room "extenuating circumstances."

"I'm Patton. You sound just like Logan over there!" Patton pointed to the far corner, where somebody- Logan, supposedly- dressed in a suit and tie had his head in his hands. It looked like he hadn't slept in days, and hadn't changed his clothes either. Who knew formal attire could look so pathetic? Janus was kind of offended to be compared to him, though he probably didn't look much better himself. 

Ah yes, Patton was speaking again. "That's Virgil over there. He looks so young, right? The twins are Roman and Remus. I've introduced myself to all of them, you're all so nice!" 

Janus stared at Patton, almost in awe. 'Nice' was about the last word that should be used to describe any of them. Logan's entire body was shaking, and it wouldn't be surprising if he died on the spot, with no preamble or warning. The twins were glaring at each other, both looking on the edge of violence. Indeed, there were dark and ugly bruises blossoming on the visible parts of both their chests, and the one in green smelled like he was wasted or deeply hungover. It was that bad from across the room.

Virgil seemed paralyzed, eyes darting between all of them in obvious distrust. His hoodie and makeup were straight out of Life on The Murder Scene. 

Along with Patton's desperate cheerfulness and Janus's burns, the group greatly resembled some sort of group therapy session, minus the personal growth and achievement. 

"Hello! Do you how do!" The disembodied voice from the speaker was suddenly coming from a man who had just popped in, relieving Janus of the need to carry on the painful conversation with Patton any longer. This had to be Picani. He was almost too put together, standing out sharply with a precariously balanced clipboard, beige suit, and glossy hair. He looked like what Janus imagined Logan might on a good day, if his suit was ironed and he got even an hour of sleep.

"Good! Very good, actually". One of the twins (Remus?) replied, an unnaturally wide grin stretching his face. Logan looked up for a second, like he was possessed, and muttered something inaudible before dropping his face into his hands again. Apparently, Virgil heard him. His face twisted in annoyance.

"Well? Really, dude? Is this the fucking time to correct people's grammer?" He looked at the doctor. "I'm doing pretty terribly right now. I think everybody here is. Can we just cut to the chase already?"

"Well," Picani checked his sheet "Virgil, if that's how you feel I'm happy to speed things along! I just wanted to see if we could all get to know each other!". Janus was shocked the doctor didn't turn to stone on the spot with the look the emo was giving him.

Janus sighed and stood up. "I agree with Virgil. This is a waste of time. If really necessary, here you go: my name is Janus Eden. I work at a... Veterinary clinic, you could say. Is that all that is required for now?"

Picani somehow remained unfazed through all of this. "If that's all you want to share, it's perfectly fine! Anyone else?" He glanced around expectantly, pen poised above paper.

"Patton Hare. I'm a counselor at a few of my local schools. I just love helping kids!" Nobody pointed out that Patton's expression turned even more forced, or that he seemed on the verge of tears with those words. Nobody had the heart to.

"Logan Eastgate. I-" The man's breath hitched, and his fists clenched. "I am recently unemployed." He opened his mouth as if to continue, but seemed to change his mind.

There was a mutter from the corner. "My name is Virgil. I'm majoring in Statistics." That would explain his fashion- Virgil was considerably younger than the rest there. The only one who hadn't spoken yet was the twin in red, but his brother seemed happy to share for them both.

"I'm Remus Sanders, and this is my brother, Roman! Technically he's a writer and I'm a painter, but I think everybody knows where we REALLY get our money from!" In fact, nobody there especially wanted to think about what either of them did, or what the excessively suggestive wink Remus gave meant. Roman gave a half-hearted glare, rolling his eyes.

Picani had been jotting down notes on his clipboard. "Thanks, you all!" He chirped, clicking his pen shut. "Now, if you could just follow me, we'll start with the preliminary procedures". 

Janus didn't trust anything about this.

Then again, he didn't really have a choice.

The group stood up slowly, and assembled into a messy sort of line trailing after the doctor. Janus ended up next to Remus, who took a break from sneering at the abstract art on the cracked walls of the hallway to glance at Janus.

"So, you're a vet, huh? Worked with any... Exotic animals?"

The burned man ran his eyes over Remus. He didn't seem too drunk, but his eyes were bloodshot and he kept squinting though the dim light. Hungover, then. Was it really worth it to tell him the truth?

Janus almost scoffed at himself. Years of lying, and he wanted to open up to the first alcoholic buffoon that winked at him? Fat chance. 

"I have worked with some rarer species, but my specialty is snakes. Corn, hognose, ball pythons, the like." Anacondas, others that could terrify an adult in a second and kill them faster. Maybe Remus would enjoy that information? To be honest, he probably would, but that seemed like it had more to do with his general nature than any specific interest in snakes.

"Cool! I'm a drug dealer!" Janus almost choked- on laughter or a sob, he didn't know. Did Remus actually just say that? Was he still drunk? No, the twin was walking in a perfectly straight line. Perhaps he was just overly trusting, or being an idiot came naturally to him even without intoxication.

"You're rather... Open about it, then. Is that the reason for your colorful adornments?" Janus nodded towards the still-visible bruises on Remus's torso. It really was impressive, the colors they managed to reach.

Remus glanced down in surprise, then looked up again with a too-wide grin. The sides of his cheeks looked painfully stretched, but the man's eyes still sparkled. "No, me and the other sperm-half got into a fight! He didn't want me to keep doing something, but it was just so easy. I mean, the dude-

"Alright, idiot, that's enough. How much have you said already, half-wit?" Roman finally caught up to them, getting out of a conversation with Patton. "Were you really going to tell him about that?" The twin in red looked at Janus. "Sorry about him. He has less of a filter than Anne Boleyn being cheated on sometimes." Remus wrinkled his nose at that, but didn't respond or refute it.

"It's quite all right, Roman. I do enjoy some conversation, to distract from our rather unfortunate circumstances. You may want to remind him to be less open about your profession in the future."

Roman showed the first signs of a smile, or really anything besides a grimace, since arriving. "I've tried, believe me. I'm just glad I got here soon enough." 'Here' was quickly turning out to be an extremely underwhelming room, with six hospital beds and shots. They were all color coded. 

"It was nice talking to you. I hope we can speak again, if these experiments don't put us both six feet under."

Roman gave him a long, searching, look. 

"Yeah, that sounds fine." With that, they were all whisked off to a bed of their own. Janus had hardly any time to process the bright yellow sheets and matress, as well as the cursive letter D stitched onto it, before he felt a prick in his neck and everything went dark.


	2. Can't be Erased if it's Traced Out in Paint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins are idiots, Virgil is anxious, and Janus doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Patton? I'm as worried about him as you are. Don't ask about the twins quite yet.
> 
> The chapter title is a reference to Ultimate Storytime because I have zero self control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually only half of the plot I had planned for this chapter, but I ended up with almost 2k words and I hadn't even gotten to the main event- really sorry about that. On the bright side, it's out a lot earlier than I had planned!

_Nothing hurt._

No, everything hurt. How did he mess that up? This seemed like the easiest possible observation to make, and yet. How strange.

Janus groaned at the ray of bright light that had most recently set his senses on fire. The backs of his eyelids, formerly a sweet refuge, had betrayed him in the most cutting way. He briefly considered burying his face in the pillow.

After a long moment of basking in the comfort of the bed, he managed to peel those lids up, glancing around at his new setting. The offending sunlight was coming through a crack in the blinds of window above his bunk. Was it really morning already? He was somehow in the top of a bunk bed, with no memory of getting there. Somebody must have carried him up the ladder- he would be sure to thank them later. Or try to figure out how they had done that; Janus wasn't exactly light.

In the moment, however, Janus was more concerned with the effects of the experimentation from yesterday evening. Apart from his strange lapse when he woke up, nothing seemed off yet. Perhaps the entire 'competition' was a test on the placebo effect, or some sort of twisted Pavlov experiment. Hesitantly, Janus attempted to roll over and sit up. The other five were all in the room with him. A quick glance revealed Roman to be in the bunk below him, Virgil in the other top bunk a few meters away, Remus below him, and Logan far across the room in a small twin.

Virgil was also awake. From the look of him, he'd been that way for hours, staring out the window and tapping some unknown pattern on his arm. Janus cleared his throat quietly.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

Despite Janus's deliberate softness, Virgil jerked around. For a moment his face was a caricature of shock, before closing again. "I'm... Really on edge, actually. Not that I'm usually calm, but" he laughed slightly "I guess you must get it. You also got stabbed with a weird needle and woken up here."

Janus considered asking the younger man if he had noticed anything strange with his thoughts, but decided against it. The others were starting to stir below them, and it seemed unwise for them to overhear anything sensitive right now. "I do understand. Something feels off, and yet-" Janus met the Virgil's eyes for a split second "natural, all the same."

Virgil hesitantly nodded. "That's exactly it." Seeming to suddenly realize the soft rustling of the others waking, he cleared his throat. "We should probably get moving. Who knows what the doc has in store for us today, right?" With that he started fidgeting again, the calm demeanor melting off like low-quality chocolate in Florida heat.

Janus nodded in agreement, sliding off the bed. Disregarding the ladder, he landed softly on the floor and padded towards the bathroom.

Only once inside did it occur to him how odd and out of character it was for him to jump down to a hardwood floor. Even more so for him to be unharmed. Well, whatever it was, it definitely wasn't the worst side effect in the world. If it even was a side effect. No matter how hard he stared at his face in the mirror, Janus couldn't find anything telling that would indicate some huge change. He just saw his same features glaring back at him, his same burns maring the left side of his body, and the same fear glinting in his eyes.

~

After an awkward breakfast where only the twins even attempted conversation, Picani burst in once again.

"Heyo! Looks like my assistant's got you all a-situated! Glad to see you're all holding up well with the treatments." The doctor pulled a small stack of patches from his seemingly limitless pockets and passed them around. Still color coded, Janus noticed, faintly amused. "You'll get these at the beginning of each day! Just slap them on your outer forearm and you're good to go!"

Did the man speak in exclamation points? Janus could practically smell the smiley emoticons at the end of his sentences. Nevertheless, he applied the patch. The twins did it just as eagerly, Patton close behind them. Logan did it as if he'd done it a thousand times before, and Virgil hesitated for a long moment. For a second, Janus thought he was going to refuse entirely, hands shaking and brow set, but he supposed even Virgil was desperate enough for this venture.

"And how is everyone feeling this fine morning?" Picani chirped, pirching on a chair but ignoring the food. "I hope the treatments are agreeing with everyone?"

There was a cold silence all around the table. Even Remus didn't seem to trust the doctor- which, to be fair, earned him a point in Janus's book.

Picani's expression hardened slightly, lip rising, before he relaxed again. "We're actually going to need a status update, for gathering data! I get it's awkward, but it is how it is!" Despite the soft words, there was something off in his tone. Janus knew Virgil also felt it- a few seats over, his head rose a fraction and he stared at Picani with a raised eyebrow. It was good to know there was someone else here _without_ some sense of self preservation.

With. With some sense, not without. How-? Janus shivered, glancing around. He felt like somebody must be focusing on him, in some way causing him to lose focus and - contradict himself? - but everybody just seemed concerned with not being the first one to give the docter a 'status report'.

"I suppose I am able to start." Logan, of all people, finally spoke up. He was the kind of person who could just fade into the backround if you weren't actively focusing on keeping tabs on him. "I have been feeling a decrease in insomnia, a decrease in nightmares, and an increase in logical thinking. It is partly due to that increase that I am able to recognize the increase in the first place, which is-" He suddenly stops, the slight grin on his face melting back into the cool mask. "Which is all that has happened. Has anyone else experienced similarly?"

Roman, next to Logan, chimed in. "Not at all, actually! My dreams were much more vivid, though I guess they weren't really nightmares. I've just had so much energy all day, and I'm really starting to miss my tablet." His voice trailed off, wistful, while Picani's expression brightened. His eyes narrowed slightly, like an eagle zeroing in on it's prey. 

"Would you say you've had a... Creative burst?"

"Yes, actually. That's fairly accurate!" Roman nodded to himself. The way his fingers were tapping, like he was imagining a phantom keyboard, was honestly quite endearing. Janus shook his head a bit. He was here for money, not for finding cute men.

Remus was still oddly subdued. He had to go next, because he was sitting next to Roman, but it took a solid few seconds for him to snap out of whatever daze he was in. "I also had dreams! They were nightmares, though. I guess I'm also feeling a bit more creative!" His smile was less forced this time, but a bit more unhinged. Virgil scooted his chair a few extra inches away, and Janus didn't blame him. Roman rested his hand on his twin's shoulder, and they held one of the millisecond-long silent conversations only siblings could. It was hard not to wonder what great secrets (besides the drug dealing, which didn't seem like much of a secret anyway) the two shared.

Speaking of Virgil, he seemed like he was tring to blend in with the chair. Unfortunately for him, his pale skin stuck out brightly against the deep red-brown of the chairs, and he only suceeded in making himself look even younger than he was to begin with. "Nothing much has changed for me, not like you described. I had a hard time sleeping last night, and I've been feeling... On edge, I guess." He looked around, like he was weighing his options (which might make sense, given his Statistics major) and continued slowly: "I have general anxiety on the best of days, and this setting isn't really helping." He scratched the back of his neck. "I doubt it has much to do with the treatment."

Picani nodded slowly, giving Virgil an inscrutable look. "Thanks for sharing, Virge. Janus?"

How much should he tell them? Logic said to simply reveal everything that was happening, but some, more primal voice inside him was whispering that _he couldn't trust any of them. He doesn't know them_. With some effort, Janus pushed the voice down and continued the chain. "It's been quite strange, actually. I'm not really sure how to refer to it, except for- lapses in thinking. I'll do something irregular, or think something-" Here his voice hitched- "The opposite of what I meant to think." Everybody else at the table was giving him a concered look, but the doctor had an almost self-satisfied smile. Jansu had the sudden urge to punch him. Odd. He prided himself on self-control most of the time.

Patton cut in, saving him from having to elaborate. "I've also noticed some really weird stuff! Like, I'm really happy right now, but a few minutes ago I was really sad, and before that I felt super angry. There wasn't even a good reason! I'd just spilled some water." Patton hesitated. There was clearly something else. "I also think that it might be related to you guys? Like, I felt sad when Remus was speaking, but I got happier when Emile talked." Now that was really strange. The doctor remained, amazingly, unfazed. Did he somehow expect that? He made one last note on that infernal clipboard of his, before standing suddenly.

"Thank you for that. It was very informative! Now, if you'll just follow me down here, we can get started with our first activity." With no more explanation of that rather ominous statement, Picani strode off down one of the twisting hallways. The others exchanged a look, then rushed to catch up with the suited man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see any typos, make me cry. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	3. Though You Scrub it Again and Again and Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I dropped some of my paint on the chapter. Hope nothing bad happens!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a bit of actual action. Additionally, alliteration's allowable anytime. 
> 
> Since I didn't get to the action last time, I'm just going to continue the song in the title. It cannot be stopped.  
> Before you read this chapter, just remember this- Roman and Remus aren't always perfect. They're kind of shitty. ALSO- weed can seriously have bad effects if you're too young! The stuff written here is not a recommendation!

The group haphazardly pushed their chairs in and followed the doctor, a few having to run to keep up. The slightly unhinged look in Remus's eyes was setting off about twenty different alarms in Janus's brain, so he decided to fall in next to the seemingly softer twin.

"So, a writer? What kind of stuff?"

Roman, thankfully, indulged the weak small talk. "Nothing that's gotten too big. Most people don't like my more traditional styles of writing. Too 'flowery', I suppose."

Janus nodded in sympathy. "And Remus? Does he suffer from similar unjust condemning?" Roman sent him a slight smirk at the 'flowery' language he'd used. It wasn't like Janus was teasing him. Not that much, anyways.

"Remus is fucking brilliant, actually. You'd think the stuff he paints was a photograph. The things he can do with watercolors and a few hours... But the critics also don't like him. Too gory, or too sexual. It's like they don't understand art! We can't create without inspiration!" Roman seemed to realize he'd started gesturing wildly, and looked down with a wry smile. "I guess Rem has already told you how we pay the bills, though. It definitely isn't by way of artistic prowess."

"Yes, he's quite... open about it." Janus tried to choose his words carefully, but Roman gave out a loud scoff.

"Open is an understatement. He's just so honest, in a way I don't understand. Even with the worse stuff, he almost told you everything. I just wish..."

Janus held his breath. It's not like he _cared_ about the twin's life, he _wasn't_ a gossip like that. ~~The slips are getting harder to detect, he faintly noticed.~~ Was Roman going to continue? Janus tried to angle his body in a welcoming way, or act unobtrusive. Something told him this was valuable information.

Was- yes, Roman was continuing! "It started as weed, in states where that's illegal. And it's still mostly just weed!" He hastily amended, as if Janus cared one way or another how ethical he was in his drug dealing. "But we kept giving it to younger and younger kids, because they're so easy to convince, and it ended up with a middle schooler. A middle schooler! Do you know how much fucking damage that could do? The poor kid."

Roman straightened and fiddled with his shirtsleeve, visibly regretting his openness. "Sorry for ranting. You probably don't care." He laughed dryly. "If you seemed like the type to call the police, I'd be afraid of that too." Janus considered threatening him. He was a naturally manipulative person, and Roman had just gifted him a goldmine of information. But something about his face, the innocent sweep of his companion's brow and the forlorn way he held him, convinced him otherwise.

"No, that's not really me. We're all desperate here, aren't we?" They shared a dry chuckle as ahead of them, Picani came to a sudden halt. Remus, directly behind him, almost bowelled into the shorter man. 

"This is our first activity!" God, did he think they were kindergardeners? "We'll be doing a little experiment with paint this time!" Yes. It was confirmed, the esteemed Doctor Emile Picani considered their group to be literal children. Janus had the sudden urge to do a slow clap.

Remus, lacking Janus's cynicism, truly smiled for the first time that day. "Excellent! I have been missing my acrylics!" He immediately swept off, and was analysing the different available tools, using terms Janus couldn't dream of fully understanding.

Patton also seemed excited for the art, but the rest hung back. Eventually, Logan went to the farthest station and started setting things up. Roman, Janus, and Virgil all chose stations next to each other in a silent 'I'm really bad at painting and I don't understand what's happening' alliance.

There was a small pink smiley post-it stuck the top of all the canvases, that simply said- 'create your feelings'.  
  


Now there was an interesting request. What had Janus been feeling lately? Different, but more the same. More... Natural (Kaczynski would be proud). He chose bright yellows, deep green, earthy browns, a light blue. Perhaps simple natural scenery would appease the doctor? It certainly summed up the day for him, in an odd way.

Janus peeked at what everybody else was doing. Logan's was some sort of abstract piece, full of lines and angles. Patton had used tape to divide his canvas into six sections, one noticably larger than the rest. Virgil was still biting his lip, clearly unsure of what to do. And the twins.

The twins were both caught in some sort of rage. Hyperfixated on the surface in front of them and nothing else, one could practically see sparks flying as they moved. It was an eery sort of dance.

Remus's was exactly as Roman had described, gory. So far, with the sketch, it looked like a very detailed illustration of a bird split open. There were long nails stuck inside the open part of its carcass. Roman had skipped the sketching phase entirely, instead working on a butterfly with a torn wing.

As magnetic as the twin's creative prowess was, Janus should focus on his own project. You were supposed to do the background first, right? That sounded right. Maybe. If only he knew how to do a background...

Janus was jolted out of his thoughts as a large glob of paint hit him square in the chin. Roman was really getting into this, frightneningly so. Instinct told him to back away with Virgil, who seemed to have the exact same thought. Accross the room, Patton and Logan were acting similarly towards Remus.

This couldn't be normal, even for artists. Right? The way the brothers ignored everything except for the art, the way their pupils dialated and Roman's hands shook. Something was very wrong. It wouldn't have been a huge shock if Remus started foaming at the mouth. To add to their problems, Patton wasn't taking it well at all. His entire body was quivering, and he fidgeted almost as much as Virgil (which was saying something, let me tell you).

Picani appeared (when had he left?) right as both of the twins broke away simultaniously, collapsing to their knees. The paintings they had created were- breathtaking, actually. Remus's showed the years of practice and skill, as well as a certian realism that made everybody else shiver. Roman's was amateur, but there was a sort of magic in the messy stokes, a fuzzy brilliance.

"Very nice, you two. Can everybody explain their pieces?"

Silence. Virgil looked on the edge of yelling at the doctor, with the anger showing on his face. Patton and the twins were clearly not in any shape to repsond. 

"I merely attempted to create an aesthetically pleasing piece, through a range of blues and greys." Again, Logan had managed to fade into the background. Abstract was not exactly what Janus would have expected from the suited man, but then again- it did seem more fitting than Logan actually coming up with some fantastical scene. "I'm not sure how much I suceeded, given lack of experience and limited time." The painting really wasn't that good, you had to admit it. The angles and methodical lines did sort of match what Janus had seen of Logan's personality.

Not that Janus's was much better, to be fair. Nevertheless, he felt a sort of obligation to go next, seeing as he was the only other person present who wasn't nearly hyperventilating. "I tried to create a forest scene. I didn't get far, but perhaps being out here has made me more in tune with nature. He let out a light snort to let the others know how unlikely he found that, but Picani just smiled and nodded. Infuriating.

Virgil was rubbing Patton's back, but that didn't seem to be helping. Janus put a hand on the older man's arm- which oddly, seemed to calm him down a bit. Perhaps Janus just let off a 'vibe', as he'd heard Virgil say at some point? He wasn't entirely sure what it meant, but if it helped.

Whatever it meant, Patton was well enough to continue. "I tried to paint my impressions of all of you!" Janus hadn't been expecting that. Now that he looked at it, however, several of the sections of Patton's piece did remind him of the others in their group. His own part was a mix of swirling yellows, greens and browns. Quite calming. 

Janus decided he liked it.

The rest of the explanations were a blur. Virgil hadn't even started his when the twins started acting up, and the twins' themselves were quite self-explanatory. Remus didnt' like being poked and prodded at, and Roman just really liked butterflies? Whatever.

Janus kept waiting for the doctor to bring up the fact that Remus and Roman had gone complete hulk on their artworks, but he never did. 

Was that normal for the procedures? Would the same thing happen to him? This exercise had only raised more questions, instead of answering them. The group followed Picani back to the dining room, noticably more subdued this time. Janus tried to walk next to Roman again, but the brother's seemed to be avoiding everyone else. Something wrenched in Janus's chest at the pained look Roman held whenever he glanced at his twin.

They would need to talk about this over lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this listening to the Rhythym Redux intrumental an inhuman number of times. I think it broke something crucial inside me, but also filled a gap I didn't know was there


	4. It's Like a Rainbow (sadly, not in the gay way)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton really isn't taking the whole paint thing well, and everybody else isn't exactly helping. Get ready for some platonic Moceit, because it's the best platonic pairing and I'll die on that hill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't ask about the chapter title. It came late at night, and now I'm emotionally attached to it even though it barely makes sense.

There was a cold silence in the dining room as lunch was served. The twins were avoiding everybody else's gazes, and Picani was annoyingly oblivious to the tension.

It was only once he left that Virgil let out his pent-up anger. "Okay, what the fuck was that? You two-" He waved towards Roman and Remus "-went all psycho, and Mr. Doctor Man over there doesn't seem to even care, and- Holy shit Patton, you okay?" Patton had buried his face in his arms, sandwich untouched. Janus could see his shoulders shaking.

"I'm really sorry. It's just, I've been feeling all these... Emotions, and it's so much, I don't think I can handle it. Especially back there, it was like being yelled at from every side, and I just hate it so much. I-"

His rant was cut off. Logan, surprisingly, was the one to come to the rescue. He rubbed Patton's back, while whispering something inaudible. It seemed be some sort of breathing pattern, as Patton's breaths slowed and became more rhythmic. "Patton. Do you know what it means to be an empath?" Logan's voice was smooth and soothing. He held Patton's gaze, exuding calm.

"I mean, I guess. Isn't that where you're really good at reading people?"

"Almost. Being an empath, for most people, just means being especially in tune to the emotions of others; sometimes to the point where other peoples' moods greatly affect their own. Currently, for you, that experience seems to be... heightened. In normal circumstances, do you think the term empath applies to you?" Damn, it was hard for Janus to tell if this guy was actually smart or if him speaking like the Google Assistant only made it seem that way.

"That would make sense. It's why I work with kids- people always said that I'm really good at empathizing with the preteens. Does that mean it's the medication, or whatever it is, that's doing this stuff to us? It's making us feel things more?"

"That may be so. I don't want to make any assumptions, but it seems to me that all these odd experiences- first the twins, now you- happened shortly after we were first treated. However, we shouldn't jump to conclusions."

'The twins' were clearly getting tired of being talked about. "Are we just going to ignore the fact that three of us have already had some sort of breakdown, or whatever, and you're just being calm about it? The fucking paint-" Roman broke off. He put his face in his hands, and Remus took over.

"What my bro said. As proud as I am of that little birdy, there's no way I should have been able to make her that fast! Also, painting her felt like the worst high in the world. Not in the good way." As confused as Janus was to how there could be a 'good way' to have a bad high, this was not the time. Things were getting out of hand again.

"I think everybody just needs to remember that we are all on the same team here." Patton sent Janus a grateful look. "Reward aside, we aren't even sure how the money will be won, so we gain more from working at a group at this stage."

"And also because we should trust each other. Right?" Virgil questioned, with a weird tone. "Sure, yeah. Whatever helps you sleep at night." That was clearly not the right answer to sooth the emo's anxiety, but Janus could only hold so many snakes in his figurative tank. Patton needed calm? He could do calm.

In one smooth motion, Janus crossed the small room and put a hand on Patton's shoulder. "We don't need all these tumultous emotions right now. They are not helping. Patton?" The other nodded, standing and leaning slightly on Janus. "Do you need to talk?"

"Yeah, actually, that would be great." After an awkward moment of silence, the others in the room seemed to realize they should at least pretend to give the two space, and started eating loudly. Virgil made a snarky comment about Roman's clothing, comparing it to a 'thrift-store Prince Charming' which sparked a conversation involving most of them.

Now as close to alone as possible in the circumstances, Janus couldn't talk to Patton. Could talk to Patton. ~~It kept happening.~~ "How are you feeling right now?"

A shudder ran through Patton's body, and he leaned farther against Janus. "Horrible. You're really calm, it helps, but everybody else is just so... much. Especially Virgil and those two. In the studio, it was like- like they both were in hyperdrive, and feeling so many emotions at once, and I could barely think it was so _loud_ -" Patton gave in and buried his head in Janus's shirt. He was so trusting so quickly, but it was a nice change.

"I know. I know. We'll try to be more aware of that." Janus sent the others a look over Patton's head; he was sure they heard everything that was being said. Roman at least had the decency to look guilty. Patton was gripping Janus's arms like they were a life preserver, and he started to speak again.

"Yeah. It just reminded me so much of the kids, and how much they have going on that I can't fix." This was something Janus had definitely not foreseen. It did make sense, though- Patton seemed like just the type of person to take other people's suffering and treat it like he had a personal responsibility to fix it. That could be very damaging, and was frankly annoying to watch. "One of them, I could tell he was in some bad stuff, and he was just starting to open up to me before-" 

Patton stopped, seeming to realize where he was and how many people were listening in. "Well, the point is I'm going to get him out of here." He avoided Janus's eyes. "I just need this money, and I'll get us both out- I don't care what else happens." 

Janus honestly didn't know what to say to that. It was certainly a more noble reason for needing the money than his. That didn't mean he was going to give it up. Janus almost flinched at the hostility of the thought- didn't he just have a moment with Patton? Why did he feel threatened?

Didn't matter. Janus squeezed Pattons' shoulders one last time, and helped him sit down. "That's very kind of you. If you're feeling better, I do hope you will eat now."

Patton nodded faintly. "Thanks, Jay. It means a lot." Janus tried not to flinch in surprise at the nickname, and barely held back a smile as he walked back to his spot.

Roman nudged him. "That was amazing, dude. You sure you aren't the doctor here?"

"Yep, that's still Picani. I'm just your humble neighborhood vet." Janus fluttered his eyebrows jokingly, and Roman let out something akin to a giggle.

"Somehow I feel like that's not completely true." Janus's eyes widened in surprise, before Roman continued and he relaxed. "Could you really be a humble anything?" That was all Roman meant. He didn't know anything. Janus forced a smirk.

"True, Prince Charming." He said, recalling Roman's previous arguement with Virgil. "I don't think either of us has the capacity for modesty." He sent a pointed look towards Roman's outfit, which was remarkably 'extra'. Not that his companion didn't wear it well, of course.

Roman laughed softly. "Says the man dressed up like he's about to go buy a mermaid's voice and sell it to a foreign government for bitcoin. Do you honestly walk in those shoes?" 

Janus huffed, offended. "My shoes are the peak of fashion. And I'll have you know, I would never exploit the fragile mermaid population for capatalism."

"Just for capatalism? You don't have a problem with it otherwise?"

"Of course not. Monarchy is ridiculous- that kingdom under the sea is long due for an economic revolution. My actions against its Princess would simply be the catalyst." At some point, Janus's arm had come to rest against Roman's. He opted not to move it.

"How dare you? This is a capital offense. Off with your head!"

"Eh-eh, remember which one of us is leading a revolution? The French had the right idea, I'm thinking."

"Oh, shut up. Do I look like I'm part of the bougeoisie?" That was a bit too real. They both fell into silence. Roman made eye contact with Remus briefly, and rose. "Nice talking to you, Jan. I've got to run." Why did everybody here insist on giving him a nickname? He didn't care that much, but it was curious.

"Likewise, Roman."

The two seperated with one final glance. Roman became occupied with Remus, and Janus focused on his food. With Patton still recovering, only Virgil was left observing.

Observing the other observer, that is. Logan sit on silently through all the drama, body still. Virgil watched as Logan very slowly, carefully, started smiling. This was the first time he had seen Logan smile. It wasn't a pleasant one.

_Even if the others are bonding,_ Virgil thought, _I don't trust you. I have my eyes on you._


	5. Tell Me I'm Right (let the sun rain down on me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is, quite honestly, fed up with all the bullshit that's going on. Patton has to deal with Virgil's special brand of bullshit, and Logan says some stuff 👀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mary Did It.
> 
> No that has nothing to do with the story it's just a reference to the title.

Virgil, as it turned out, was a very good observer. He could hide behind his (honestly quite prodigious) bangs, glaring at anyone who caught him looking. It was amazing how easy it was for some people to just assume he was being an angsty college student, and move on with their day.

Logan wasn't quite like that. He didn't stare at people, or give any sign that he was listening. But if you watched him for long enough, you could find his habits. He adjusted his glasses when he was pleased, pulled on his tie when he was surprised, and hsi anger flared up like a roaring beast on the rare moments it surfaced. Apart from these, however, he was a completely blank slate.

Janus also observed, but unlike Virgil, didn't focus on Logan. He watched everybody, picking out their tells. Everybody had a tell when they lied- Janus knew for a fact that without self control, he stared unblinking at those he was deceiving, like some sort of reptile. Patton winced whenever he lied, Virgil wouldn't meet your eyes, the twin's voices always raised a few notes higher than necesary, and Logan- Logan didn't lie.

Which was odd, but he'd seen it before. Nerds that spoke in facts, so that their only lies were those of omission. Very annoying, but in character for the man.

After lunch, the afternoon had been very _interesting_. Boring. The activity had been boring. They had simply playeed some basic arcade games, and the doctor took notes, circling them like a vulture. Janus and Virgil had been the best at it, while the twins constantly got sidetracked. Patton got swept up in everybody else's adrenaline and could barely clutch the joystick, so he didn't do especially well.

Really, Janus hadn't expected to do so well. He guessed it was just a product of his honed reflexes.

Now they had been left alone in their (frustratingly) shared room. There was a circle of armchairs and a couch, all of which were immediately claimed. Virgil, Patton, and Remus shared the couch, while everybody else found a chair or bed to sprawl on. 

"That was fun, wasn't it? I haven't played those sorts of games in ages!" Always the optimist, Patton tried to cut the tension. The incredulous looks he got were discouraging, but Janus didn't see how he could have expected anything different.

"Yeah, I guess. What bothers me, is why would the doc want us to play games, and paint, and all that? Logan thinks he's amplifying stuff in us, but why? How could this help him?" Virgil was just a little ray of sunshine, wasn't he. Janus just _adored_ constantly having somebody voicing the fears he usually managed to tamp down.

"I would like to remind you that that was simply a theory. I do not know the truth of the matter any more than you all do." Logan adjusted his tie and sniffed. "He has stated he only wants to perform these procedures for research purposes, and I see no reason not to trust him on that. After all, if we do not believe him on this, why should we allow him to perform experiments on us?"

Virgil opened his mouth, then closed it. He was holding something back. After a tense moment, he replied "Then what's with the whole 'winner' thing? Why the cash prize? None of it makes sense."

Logan sniffed again, nose twitching. "That is admittedly odd. There are many inexplicable aspects to this situation. However, I personally do not see the gain in talking in circles about it when we do not have sufficient information to make a proper hypthesis."

Janus stiffened as Virgil nodded, his eyes falling back to the book in his lap. Something wasn't right.

He pondered, as the others seemed to let go of the conversation. They were almost all settled, when he sat up straight and pointed at Logan.

"You're lying."

Logan fiddled with his collar. "Excuse me? How would lying serve me at all?"

Janus glared. "I don't know, but I figured out your tell. You always scrunch up your face directly after lying. But it doesn't make sense. What do you know that you're holding back? Why do you consistently shut us down when we try to look for information? I don't trust you."

"Preposterous. I am as much of a victim here as you-"

"Lie. I can tell, you know."

Logan muttered to himself. "Of course you can."

"And what, precisely, is that meant to mean?"

"Guys, guys!" Patton interrupted, looking around desperately. "Can we just be calm? We shouldn't jump to conclusions, not when we need to trust each other!"

"I don't know. Can we?" Janus's gaze was torn from Patton's stricken face to Virgil. His body was trembling with rage, face twisted. "Maybe if he-" He jabbed a finger in Logan's direction, seething "Just says what he means for two goddamn seconds, we could have an actual conversation."

Logan stood up. "You're being irrational, Virgil. You're letting your anxiety get the better of you-"  
  


"Don't fucking tell me about my own anxiety! I know how my brain works, and I know when somebody's being shady." Virgil was practically yelling at this point, and he stood up to face Logan. "I don't trust you either, and none of the rest of you should. He's clearly suspicious!"

"I agree." Patton was also angry. Was it his rage or Virgil's? Janus couldn't tell, and it _didn't_ scare him. "Why would you lie to us? Lying is wrong. You should know that." Patton looked like he was having some sort of moral crisis balancing the man who had comforted him, and his innate fear of dishonesty. Janus couldn't relate. Lying was how he'd lived most of his life, but Pat wouldn't be pleased to hear it.

"Patton. Virgil. Janus." Logan's voice was hypnotizing, quiet though it was. "I have to admit I have not been completely honest with all of you. Not as badly as you seem to think-" He quickly amended, as Virgil took a menacing step forwards. "but no, I haven't been completely candid."

Janus nodded, pleased; though he tried to shove down the smirk, the edges of his lips still lifted. "Care to share with the class?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Yes, in fact, I would. I used to work as a neuroscientist. I believe that the strange effects we have all been feeling are due to stimulation of different parts of the brain. Patton's emotional functions have been amplified, and something has been done, though I'm not sure exactly what, to amplify the twin's creativity and reduce their self control. I would have to study them further, however." 

Logan looked at the brothers like he wanted to pick apart their brains then and there. Roman winced, and Remus scoffed. "You could look a little less excited, Frankenstein. This is some weird doctor meddling with our brains we're talking about, not your most recent science experiment." He brightened. "Though, could we try something like that? I'm the most attractive, so you could use my face, but Janny Boy over there has some nice calves, and I've got a feeling Virgil's hiding some abs under that floppy hoodie." 

Roman tried to step in front of his brother. "NOpe, no talking about the college student's abs. Nope, nope, bad twin. What he's trying to say is, you think he's trying to make us like the little people from Inside Out? Persofinications of feelings, or something like that?"

"Personifications. And I do not believe it is feeling that the doctor is attempting to amplify, more like functions. Factors of a person's personality."

Patton cut in. "So that was the big secret you didn't want to tell us? That you had a hypothesis? Logan, we wouldn't judge you! Even if you're wrong, we're always okay to listen." Janus really doubted that Logan's hesitance had anything to do with insecurity, but didn't want to burst Patton's bubble.

"It was more that I didn't expect you to listen." Logan pushed his glasses up. "I haven't exactly been the most forthright with you from the beginning, whereas you all have showed at least some attempt to bond. I felt, I suppose, like I had missed my oppurtunity for optimal bonding." 

Patton was all of a sudden hugging Logan. The suited man looked comically scared, like he had never been touched. After a few moments, he started squirming and delicately removed Patton from his torso by the shoulders. "That's, very nice. I suppose."

Patton skipped back to the couch, seemingly put at ease. Janus and Virgil were still standing, and the twins were looking restless. The discussion was still far from over.

Roman spoke up. "So why did you not want to tell us about your job?"

"I wasn't in my right mind when we first met. I apologize for the show of unprofessionalism."

"Nah, don't sweat it, Specs." Roman sat back, his legs up on Remus's lap. Virgil looked up, like something occured to him.

"Hey, Remus, why do you have those bruises? Why were both of you so messed up when you got here?" He started rubbing the fabric of his hoddie between two fingers. "Did you get in a fight? Are you usually volent?"

Remus laughed, high and sharp. Janus flinched. It was unsettling. "Oh yeah. This guy was really fierce. Kept yelling at us. Ferocious, too- but we got him really good in the stomach a few times. I don't even know why he was so upset with us, but what can you do?" Roman looked guilty. Did he know why the man had attacked them?

"Oh, don't scare Virgil. A fight doesn't mean someone's violent! In fact, I myself got in one a little while back. Just caught in a righteous rage, I guess." All eyes in the room turned in shock to the sweet man who had just admitted to fighting. Patton had a bright smile on that clashed sharply with his words.

"Plot twist! What's next? Is the nerd in the mafia? Is the invalid a pole dancer?" Janus stiffened. So far, nobody had mentioned his burns, ugly and covering the left half of his face. It had been a nice stretch while it lasted. At least Remus didn't seem to have any malicious intent, just social blindness.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you get those? They look real painful." Well no shit, Virgil. Easy, Janus reminded himself. Don't overreact. 

"There was a fire at my old working place. I need the money to fix it up, actually- it wasn't insured." He got sympathetic glances all around.

"Oh, I'm really sorry. I need it for college, and... for my little brother" Virgil muttered. "I don't know why I said that. Now isn't the time. I just thought, a fact for a fact...?" That didn't make any sense, but the kid seemed anxious enough as it was, so Janus let it slide.

Patton nodded and put a hand on Virgil's leg. "Yeah. You already know why I want it."

"And it's probably pretty obvious for us!" Remus chimed in again. "Starving artists, drug dealers, we don't have the most stable income. Figured, why not fuck up our brains in a lab instead of over time!" Roman didn't even silence him this time, like he was used to the outbursts.

Janus and Virgil made eye contact. Were they really going to let Logan off the hook like that? That pathetic excuse couldn't be all he was hiding. It felt like the two were the only ones with any sense of self-preservation.

Before they could talk, the group was called to dinner. Later, there would be a night of whispering, but for now they had to keep it all inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, some shit's coming.


	6. That's Professional Sadist to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's spend some time with Janus, shall we? He's been keeping things quite close to the chest lately.

The next day went much like the first. Janus didn't want to say anything, but the others (Patton especially) had immediately warmed to Logan after the debacle yesterday. They all got caught up in conversation at breakfast, allowing Virgil and Janus to talk quietly.

  
"Hey, Jan?"

  
"Yes Virgil?" Janus tried to act annoyed, but really he was euphoric to escape having to listen to the conversation the others were having. Honestly, who cared about the characterization of Hans in Frozen One? For some reason, Remus and Logan were arguing that he wasn't so bad, and Patton and Roman were acting like they'd stabbed a puppy and laughed. Compared to that, whatever the emo wanted to discuss would be like debating with Stirner himself.

  
"I've been thinking about Logan's theory." Virgil saw Janus's lip curl. "Yeah, I don't trust him much either, but his idea isn't bad. What do you think your trait thing might be?"

  
Of course Janus had considered it. It would have been almost impossible not to, constantly being exposed to how dramatically the others were taking the treatment. "I really don't know." That wasn't a lie. "I have noticed some very strange trends, however."

  
Virgil looked expectant, confused, then miffed when Janus didn't continue. "Willing to elaborate, or are you just going to leave it on that? Come on, you can't just do that to me, man."

  
Janus wasn't even sure why he was being secretive. He trusted Virgil, didn't he? A voice- no, an urge- deep inside him was holding him back, however. _You can't trust them. Any of them_. But you couldn't just tell somebody that, so he looked away. "I can do whatever I would like, and right now, I do not want to share my symptoms. Thank you for the discussion, Virgil, but I believe you are being paranoid. I have myself under control."

  
Virgil reeled back, expression fiery. _Hadn't_ Janus said something wrong? "Ok, protip, buddy. Don't tell an anxious person they're paranoid. Now, if you really trust me that little, I think we're done talking for now."

  
Janus almost shot back 'you're acting like a child', but even he knew when enough was enough. "If that's how you feel, Virgil."

  
"It is."

  
Janus turned the other way so Virgil didn't see him roll his eyes. This, coincidentally, put him directly facing Roman, who looked long done with the Hans debate. Ah. He was expected to start a conversation now, according to societal norms. How annoying.

  
It hadn't been as bad as he'd anticipated, actually. Roman was so oblivious to his biting sarcasm, it was endearing. In a way. A very professional, non-emotional way. He couldn't afford to think about how passionate the man could get over the smallest things, or how nice the little strand of hair that never stayed up was. He couldn't think about that, because he had far more important things to do

  
Still, that didn't stop him from talking to Roman for all of breakfast. To gain more information. That was it.

  
He chose not to think about why he hadn't actually asked any questions related to the experiments.

  
The morning activity was strange, again. Worksheets full of problems that ranged from trig, to short answer, to brain teasers, to moral queries. Not quite as mind-numbing as the previous activities, but not exactly stimulating. Janus found himself wanting to move, to interact with something alive, just to _not_ break the monotony. Patton and the twins struggled, but Logan was absolutely in his element. It was tempting to just watch his brain spin, pencil flowing like ichor over the papers.

They had only had one interaction worth remembering. It wasn't exactly incriminating, but something about Logan's behaviour just didn't sit right. 

He'd looked over Janus's shoulder. "Interesting take on the trolley problem. You've skipped over the usual action/inaction debate, to what is most beneficial to you? Doesn't that defeat the point of the excercise?"

Janus had been slightly surprised that Logan would initiate conversation with him at all, but this _wasn't_ interesting. Why not hear him out? "It seems quite obvious to me that inaction, in itself, is an action. When given the oppurtunity to change something, the refusal to change it is not abstinence, but a more covert way of directing blame away from yourself. Neo-liberalism in America-" Janus cut himself off. That wasn't relevant. "What I'm trying to say, is that it is simply a descision between sentencing either one or many people to death. The 'inaction' arguement is just a distraction, like so many of the nuances in 'society'". 

Logan looked at him, something unreadable in his gaze. "I see. I personally believe that there is no point in pursuing such thought experiments, since such a situation in real life would have many complications. Not every choice is so cut and dry. There are things to consider!"

Janus raised one eyebrow. "Ah, of course. You're very adamant on that, aren't you?"

The other man cleared his throat and straightened. "No. I am not especially affected by more... emotional pursuits. I simply prefer to look at things logically- and there is very little chance of actually ending up in a situation this simple. For example: What if the one person has memorized a vaccine for HIV? Theoretically, that would save many lives, but those lives are abstract, in contrast to the several, real people you would be sentencing to death."

"Well, that's obvious as well. There may be short-term guilt over the unfortunate loss of innocents, but in the long run you and the world will only benifit from not pulling the lever."

Logan stared at Janus a few more seconds, like he was waiting for him to say something else. "Interesting. I have to say I agree." For some reason, he looked rather put out by this. Perhaps he was one of those debate junkie types. "Now, I shall be returning to my work." Janus had had to bite his toungue to restrain from remarking that Logan had been the one to start the discussion.

  
During lunch Virgil was still avoiding him, talking with Patton instead. They both seemed very into it, but Janus couldn't strain his ears enough to overhear what they were saying. If he cared about Virgil already, which he _didn't_ , he would be upset. Good thing he _wasn't_ making friends.

He ended up chatting with the twins during lunch. Remus was really something. He seemed oblivous to their situration, rambling on about anything that came to his mind. There were moments when he'd go off on a tangent, then suddenly stop. Roman would nudge him, and they would have some sort of silent sibling conference.

Despite that, he enjoyed their company. The afternoon was finally something that interested him- a series of physical tests, followed by a short skit improvisation. He wasn't exaggerating when he said he, Remus, and Roman had absolutely DOMINATED at both. Patton did noticably well at the strength tests, but clearly couldn't act to save his life. About what Janus had expected from the overly honest fighter.

On the subject of Patton, actually, he and Virgil kept stepping off to the side to discuss things, and it was driving Janus up the wall. He was used to being privy to every new development in this hospital, but was kept in the dark. He decided that he hated it.

Janus was pondering this involuntary ignorance when he found himself, miraculously, alone with the two. They had been given some free time, and they were the only ones left in the bedroom.

Patton and Virgil were on the couch, whispering yet again. Janus walked up behind them and audibly cleared his throat. Virgil jumped back and glared at him, but Patton put a placating hand on his shoulder. "Let's hear him out, kiddo. Everybody makes mistakes." For a moment Janus was surprised at Patton's easy acceptance- but then it hit him. Patton could feel that he had no malicious intent. He was making use of his situation, which was something Janus could definetely admire. 

  
"Thank you, Patton. I appreciate it. Virgil-" Janus took off his hat, and set it on the coffee table "-I realize that I haven't been the most fair with you, recently. You were attempting to create a bond of trust between us, and I acted irrationally."

Virgil nodded, but still hung back. Janus supposed he deserved that. Patton put his hand on his friend's knee. "Kiddo, you know I can feel him. He means well, I promise." Kiddo? Patton was really taking this whole age gap thing seriously. Virgil, however, didn't seem to mind, leaning farther into Patton's side.

"I really do not, though I understand why you might feel that way. I'd like to make up for it by answering your question from earlier, and perhaps a few more. As a show of-" Janus wrinkled his nose in distaste "Trust."

"Alright, that seems fair." Virgil took up his usual sprawl again. His legs lay in a way that no human's was ever meant to, and Janus had to stop himself from scolding the younger man about etiquette.

"This may sound a little far-fetched, but it is my best estimate to what is going wrong. I have noticed a strange dissonance in my thinking. I will accidently think the oppostite of what I mean, and" Janus looked down, rubbing his burns unconsiously "It's becoming more difficult to keep it out of my speech as well. I almost told Roman I thought his hair looked awful this morning. My inner voice, my gut feelings, are also acting unusually." Virgil raised a suggestive eyebrow, and Janus swatted his bangs. "Not in that way. More like my inner safety coach, if that makes sense."

Virgil let go of the obvious innuendo (That man's mind had not only a permanent residency but a family business and legacy in the gutter). "I've actually felt something kind of similar."

Patton perked up. "Oh! Maybe you're like Roman and Remus, with the same side effects!"

Virgil shook his head. "Though I'd love to share a brain with the lead Fury over here, there's a lot of differences. Mostly I've just been feeling more anxious, but none of the lying stuff is happening to me." Patton deflated, but Janus was silently relieved. One could only imagine how the anxious man would react to losing control of his own thoughts.

"Anyways, wasn't there something else you wanted to tell us?" Virgil clearly wanted to direct the conversation away from himself, and Janus didn't blame him. He just wished the new topic of conversation wasn't so awkward.

"Ah, yes. That."   
  
  


"Yeah, that?" Janus and Virgil both bolted up at the new voice. Roman had appeared in the doorway, looking sheepish. How long had he been standing there? Had he heard very much? The pained look on his face certainly said so. "Sorry. I've been here a while, but it never seemed the right time to barge in. I was kind of hoping one of you would-" Roman gestured vaguely "Y'now, invite me in."

"What are you, a vampire?" Janus shot back, then sighed. He did not like being eavesdropped on. "I'm sorry, Roman. You may come in. You can also invite you're brother, because hiding behind the scaffolding really isn't an effective strategy for not being noticed." Remus also emerged, looking much less embarrased. This entire thing really was a game to him, wasn't it?

"So, I was telling the truth about my work burning down. The reason I didn't have insurance was because many of the animals there weren't exactly... ethical. They were mostly from people who had already smuggled them in, but some were ones we brought to the country." Roman and Virgil looked faintly disgusted, Remus looked interested, and Patton looked absolutely scandalized. "I realize it is morally wrong, though I can't say I regret it as much as I'm sure some here would like me to. The reality is, I've never been an especially honest person, and I want to be very upfront about that."  
  


Remus was the first to break the silence, with a high-pitched cackle. "Oh, Jayjay, you think you're the only one here with dirty hands? We've all got a terrible secret. Or at least I hope so! This is unbelievably juicy, you don't even understand."

"Was that really what you wanted to tell us?" Virgil inquired, incredulous.

"In part, yes. Now that everybody's here, though, I think there's something else we should discuss. It's about Logan, and it's about us. It's about Picani."

The others all leaned in. They talked for hours, until later, another figure showed up in the doorway. Again, they didn't notice him until he said, quite clearly into a microphone in his tie:

"Starlight to Avatar. Send in the assistants"

The group as a whole turned in horror to the oddly menacing figure of Logan, standing in the doorway with a coldness in his eyes and gun in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, Lo, what have I told you about taking the gun to family gatherings? It makes things awkward!


	7. Ignorance Has Never Been Your Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Now playing: Put the Gun Down by Andy Black*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to listen to Remus' playlist while writing this. I really did. But there's something about it that just doesn't spark inspiration for an emotionally and charged and tense scene. Had to switch to Mysterious Paths partway through because it absolutely SLAPS
> 
> Yeah, the title is a paramore reference. Ain't it fun?

"I would suggest that you all stay very, very still." 

Logan slowly walked into the room, gun held steady in his left hand. His finger was moving frighteningly close to the trigger. Virgil and Janus were both completely still, Patton trembling, and the others still reeling.

"Listen Lo, this seems like a bit of a misunderstanding. We just wan-" Roman's hand shot to cover his own mouth as the gun edged in his direction. Janus wanted to scream at him to stop talking, stop moving, did the idiot not see the trigger-happy pyschopath standing in their bedroom? Logan was standing in the middle of the room now, the group pressed up against the couch.

"I see no room for misunderstanding. I do not know the precise amount you've managed to deduce, but it is far too much. I do hope you wouldn't want to lie to me now, in this quite unfortunate situation." Logan sent a warning look towards Janus. Did he really know it all then? It certainly seemed so.

Janus had to try. "Logan. You hold no personal agendas against us, do you? I'm sure some open conversation could smooth this over. We really do not want to impede the experimentation in any way." He shut his mouth as Logan's expression darkened. He stalked closer, and only now could Janus see how much his hands were shaking. "You don't want to hurt us, do you?"

Logan stopped for a moment, then shook his head like he was trying to wring it out. "I am only doing what is necesary. So I- So we can get what we want. We need. You don't understand."

"Emotional complications, huh?"

"I told you-"

"Yes, yes, you don't feel emotions, all that jazz." Janus' eyes narrowed in on Logan. "If you know as much as I believe you to, you should know that I can tell you're lying." Janus tried to feign nonchalance, mentally begging Logan to lower the gun, to get his finger away from the trigger. "Because I don't buy it. You have the lever in your hand, but you won't pull it for the world, will you. Why?" He let out a bitter laugh. "Why all of this, just for you? You know as well as I do that the trolley is going to hit the rest of us. Hard."

"It is not just for me." Logan didn't deny any of the rest of his statements, however. Coward.

"No, it's not just for him. He's been kind enough to do it for me, as well." A new voice cut in, one that sent chills down Janus' spine. Dr. Picani sauntered in, and put his hand on Logan's shoulder. The man finally, finally lowered the gun to point towards the floor. "They deserve to know, don't they?"

Logan looked almost pitiful, standing there with the doctor hanging off one arm and a loaded gun in the other. He quickly pulled himself together, but Janus made note of the weakness. "You're right. Roman, Remus." The twins almost snarled at him, Remus half standing, then leaning on a nearby chair. It was the least smooth thing Janus had ever witnessed. "You probably know your situation. An overused cliche of the starving artists, just desperate enough to participate in an experiment like this.

"Furthermore, your recent ethical dillemas. The child- you may have seriously affected his brain development by supplying him with marijuana." 

Roman cut in. "We were going to use the money, to help him. Partially, at least."

Picani snorted. "Were you, now? You don't exactly have a track record of being alruistic when it comes to money. Especially now, with my enhancements in place. Your creaitivity, your ego and confidence, both boosted. I must say, the concept of creativity was very difficult to capture. You see, it's a full brain process-"

"Emile. You are monologuing again." 

Picani sent a thankful look at Logan. "Yes, of course, sorry dear! Now, Patton." The counselor looked up with red-rimmed eyes. "That same child. Captured your heart, didn't he? Parents barely there, an older brother who was practically in prison-" He waved a hand at Virgil, who looked furious "Your bleeding heart couldn't help but get you in too deep. The choice for amplifying your empathetic abilities was practically made on its own."

"The fuck are you talking about?" Now Virgil? Why _could_ anyone in here keep their goddamn mouth shut for two seconds, when there was a fucking gun right there?

Picani only smirked. "I think you know exactly what I'm refering to, Virgil. Your little brother, Remy. You were out of the house so much, trying to support both of you, you had no idea what he got up to!" 

Virgil was shaking, and looked on the edge of a panic attack. "No. Remy- He wouldn't. He's a good kid. He knows the consequences!"

"Does he? Did you ever think to sit down with him and have a talk about things like sex, and drugs, and how to take care of himself? Really Virge, you were asking for this to happen."

"You don't get to call me that. Nobody but him gets to call me that! This-" Virgil spun to the twins "This is your fault! You couldn't keep your own fucking pot to yourself, and you targeted my brother. Rem. I'm going to fucking kill both of you with my bare hands." Patton had a heartbroken look on his face.  
  


"No, it was my fault. I was supposed to be the support in his life." Patton took a deep breath. "If you're going to fight with anyone, it might as well be me."

"But you've already done that, Patton, haven't you?" Picani's voice was infuriatingly smug. "What an awful coincidence. All three of you get in a fight mere days before coming here, one of you in a righteous rage. It was dark, too, wasn't it? How convenient! Just so you'd never recognize each other. I'm sure if Patton were to raise his shirt, we'd see a _very_ telling bruise." Patton didn't bare his stomach, but the hand that automatically shot to it was answer enough.

Virgil broke in again. "Okay, so we're" He glared at Roman, Remus and Patton individually for a second "All tied together somehow. By my baby brother. Who didn't deserve any of this, by the way." His expression hardened futher, if that was possible. "But why bring us here? Why all of this?"

"Patience, Virgil. We have one more person to talk to first."

Janus raised an eyebrow. "I think I've already bared all of my secrets to the table, actually. Sorry, but you've been stripped of your great reveal for me. We're all aware of my... slightly unethical practices in the lab. Old news, doc." Picani looked caught off guard for just a second, but fixed his expression quickly.

"I hope you don't actually believe that. I wasn't done talking about Virgil, either." Now that was unexpected. Was Janus somehow also caught up in this absolute disaster of a coincidence? Try as he might, he couldn't seem to remember consorting with some emo kid in the past few monthst, apart from Virgil. Nope, he was certain he had nothing to do with Remy. For once, that wasn't a lie. "Remember that little thing about 'a brother on the brink of prison? Why do you think that is?"

"Listen, you know as well as I do that I didn't do it. I was framed-"

"But you can't prove that, can you. Some very incriminating evidence, wasn't it? Of course, not enough to get you in prison, but we could have worked on that. You see" the doctor looked pointedly at Janus "Virgil has been, supposedly, 'framed' for arson. Burning down a quaint little animal hospital, that - how tragic! - didn't have insurance." 

Realization dawned on Janus slowly, more slowly than it should've. "You-"

"No, I didn't. I promise. Do I look like an arsonist, Janus?"

Before Janus could answer, Logan cut in. "That is the problem, Virgil. You are an introverted emo college student who nobody knows extremely well. The public was eager to call the the perpatrator and move on."

"I.. I guess that's fair. But Janus-"

"No worries, Virgil. They've both practically admitted to framing you, and I've learned my lesson about trust. I believe you. But as for you- what did you do to us? You still haven't explained."

"Well, Janus, you've probably noticed the slips. The lies that you can't control. And Virgil, you've been far more anxious. Me and Emile have been boosting both your senses of self-preservation, just in different ways."

Roman was taking his turn for righteous rage, and Janus loved and hated him for it. "Hold up. You're telling me that you did all of this stuff to the rest of us, and you just gave Virgil more anxiety? A fucking mental disorder? How much of a bitch can you be? Does our suffering just amuse you, at this point?"

Janus bounced off him. Virgil's lips twitched up before immediately being forced down. "It seems so. They really have no purpose but to torture us, do they? I'm almost offended that they don't think us worthy for bigger things! Just using us for entertainment and throwing us aside when it pleases them." Patton's brow was furrowing in concentration.

Logan seemed to have forgotten his gun, arms limp, and Picani was practically leaning against him. They were both uncharactistically relaxed. Logan was grimacing again, however. "We have a reason. We have to know-"

"Do me a favor, and please shut up, dearest."

"Emile, they deserve to know. We're going to make the world better" He blurted out before Picani could stop him. The other man raised a hand like he was going to force-choke Logan to make him stop talking, but it fell in defeat. "We're going to make us better. We have to know which traits do what, and that's what you are for. But I promise, it's all going to be worth it, in the end!"

Roman scoffed. "Worth it, to permanently damage our brains for a treatment that might not work? Without our consent? You're delusional. All of you."

Janus looked up suddenly. "'What if the one person has knowledge that could benefit the greater population?' Logan, you tricky minx. You came to me for advice, after all this? And I pretty much told you to hit me with a train. How clever of me."

Logan flushed. "You are taking my words out of context, I would never do something that illogical-"

"Wouldn't you, Logey dear?" Remus' high pitched cackle was like a thousand angels singing in Janus' ears as he brought the chair he'd been leaning on down on the heads of the two scientists from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when you write your emotional support character as unsympathetic and then have to reconsider every descision in your life that has brought you to this point #justdumbassthings
> 
> Also pride is starting tomorrow (or today for a lot of people) ayyyy


	8. Recapitulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recapitulation- The last part of Sonata Form. A newer, more developed version of the original melody, possibly in a different key.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE EVERYBODY (By the way, italics symbolize a flashback). This chapter was written while listening to the intrumental of a song about horseshoe theory, so... enjoy?

Remus grinned ear to ear, swinging the chair across the room. It hit one of the beds and made a sizeable dent.

"Great job, Pattycum! They were completely distracted!" Remus bounded accross the room and swept Patton into a big hug. "You're the best, daddy!"

Janus smiled at the two of them. Remus was almost like a child sometimes, but he understood his excitement. Patton had done something that none of them had thought possible until a few hours earlier. To be fair, it had taken a lot of confrontations to figure out how all of their pasts were connected, but once that was done they'd worked together just fine.

_Janus leaned forwards, drumming his fingers on his knee excitedly. "So you really think this is possible? Reversing the effects?"_

_Pattons grin looked like it was going to start emitting rainbows and unicorn emojis. "I do! Just watch this." He hesitated. "Virg...il, are you fine if I try something?" Virgil nodded sharply, but the tapping of his foot increased in tempo and Janus could see him chewing on his cheek. He really hoped Patton knew what he was doing. "Here goes!" Patton turned his entire body to face Virgil, and instead of tensing in focus, like Janus would have expected, he just relaxed. Sat there, with a vague smile on his face._

_What was even more shocking was that Virgil was doing the same. All fidgeting ceased, and the man settled back onto the couch behind him with a barely audible sigh. Janus hadn't quite realized how tall Virgil was, with his shoulders being constantly hunched and all._

_"That was_ way _better than Xanax." Virgil's voice was smooth and low, different from how Janus had ever heard it. Even directly after Virgil woke up. Was his anxiety really so constant, he wondered? Patton really was a lifesaver sometimes._

_"It worked!" Patton jumped up and threw his arms around Virgil, doing his best to spin them but only rolling over a bit on the couch. In a twist that nobody forsaw, Virgil didn't even flinch at the sudden contact. In fact, he hugged Patton back. Was he crying? Janus averted his eyes out of respect._

_Remus chimed in, never one to miss out on infectious happiness. "That was really amazing! Say, do you think the rest of us could do that? Janax could make people" Remus scrunched up his nose "lie, or whatever the fuck Janus does," Virgil muttered 'mood' from the other side of the couch "Virgy could make people anxious, say! Me and Roman could make people creative! It would be nice to give some of my thoughts to other people for a while. They're fun, but it gets old sometimes to be the only one having fun with them."_

_Janus chose to ignore that slightly worrying statement (he would really need to have a talk about repression and proper mental self-care with Remus later. If there ended up being a later for them) and tried to let him down slowly. "I doubt that, Remus. Patton's ability is very focused on others, so it makes sense that he would be able to, in a way, reverse the flow of emotions. However, the rest of our enhanced traits are very inwardly focused. I don't see how we would reverse any flow, since it's more like a still pond. Or," Janus shuddered slightly "A deep lake, if that feels more accurate." He saw Roman nod slightly out of the corner of his eye. God, how many mental health talks was he going to have to have after this? At least Patton could help, seeing as he was a counselor and all that. Not that the group was exactly middle school children._

_When had Janus started thinking of himself and Patton as a team? Or, in fact, the twins as people to comfort? A good question for another time, he decided._

Remus was now tying up Logan and Picani. Janus thought he heard something being muttered about bondage, but decided to let it go. The two were asking for it anyways, constantly wearing ties everywhere and all. Remus had been instrumental in the planning process, surprisingly.

_Roman sighed. "Alright. Patton puts their guards down, me and Jay" Janus felt an annoying (strangely nice) burst of warth in his stomach at the nickname "are going to put on a show for them, and Virgil is going to watch and know that his anxiety was useful for once."_

_Patton glared reproachfullly. "Roman! Virgil is very hard working, and you know it. You were especially good with foresight here though, kiddo." He smiled at Virgil, who still seemed to be calm from the effects of Pattons' emotion-sending._

_Virgil only chuckled. "Nah, it's fine. Hans over here is right, this is the first time in a while that my anxiety has done something good for me."_

_"Excuse me? I am Kristoff! Hans is a villain, and I am not a villain!"_

_Janus clicked his toungue. "Actually, from a writing standpoint Frozen would have been much more interesting if Hans was the main character. He just wanted the best for his kingdom, and treated it well for an entire winter while Elsa was having a temper tantrum. A misunderstood anti-hero who has lost all sense of moral direction would be a much more interesting character to develop than a cliche villain."_

_Virgil smirked. "He's got a point, Ro. Might want to reconsider your perfect prince?"_

_"Not you as well! I cannot believe-" Roman cut himself off. "Nevermind. The point is, so we've got two evil doctors high as a kite on Pat's feelings. What then?"_

_Remus looked up from where he'd been sketching. "Ooh! I can hit them over their heads with a chair!"_

_Dead silence reigned. They all stared at Remus, either in fear, awe, or resignation. Virgil was the first to speak. "You know what, that's a fair point. Why worry about it like I always do when we could just have Re fucking clobber them?" He laughed. "Yeah. Great idea, Rem." Remus looked so happy at the compliment Janus almost pitied him. He_ shouldn't _talk to Patton about that as well._

And of course, Virgil had been the one who set them all straight. Nothing like somebody who literally has had their already horrible anxiety disorder amplified by ten telling to calm down to give you a reality check. The screaming had been highly unpleasant. Especially since he had done some of it. 

Janus would rather not look back on it. The realization of their seperate roles in this story had been exeedingly messy the first time around, and some things had been said. Best not to dwell, for now. Especially since Logan was waking up. It seemed Picani had gotton most of the force of the chair, with Logan just getting clipped.

"Ah. I see you've knocked Emile unconsious." Logan stated this quite flatly. Then again, who knows what had been happening to him over the last few days?

"Yeah, idiot. I also knocked you out, didn't you notice?"

Logan looked at Remus like he was insane, which, to be fair, wouldn't be too far out of left field if you didn't know Remus that well. "Of course you didn't. I would not be talking to you if you had, I would be quite possibly in a coma or on my way to death. One cannot be hit to the point of being unconsious without serious brain damage, despite what some films you may have seen would imply. I was knocked over in shock, yes, and kept my eyes closed because of the pain, which" He winced, and Janus almost felt sorry for him. Almost. From the look on Patton's face, he couldn't resist pitying this bastard "is still quite present. However, you must have noticed that Emi- Picani's body was much stiffer than mine when you tied us up. Several neurotransmitters fired in his brain when you knocked him out, causing his body to become how it is now. However, I stayed limp."

Remus looked bashful. "Yeah, I guess I should have known that. I'm usually more focused on hitting people, not what happens afterwards. Sounds interesting though! I should google it later." Janus saw Roman's hand instinctively fly to the back of his head, and winced in sympathy for the many blows that his friend must have recieved throughout a lifetime of brotherhood with Remus. Not that Remus wouldn't have gotten the same treatment, knowing Roman.

Janus looked at Logan coldly. "Are you willing to help us now? Do you see the error in your judgement?"

Logan visibly flinched at the word 'error', but nodded in agreement. "I did misjudge. We- I will do my best to remedy the situation." Janus waited for a tense moment, but that seemed to be all the suited man was willing to give up. Good enough for now, he supposed.

Yes, that would be good enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is going to be set a while later, for resolution. There will finally - FINALLY- be some actual Roceit other than Janus being more oblivious to his own crush than a closeted high schooler in a homoerotic relationship with their best friend, and I promise there will be some sympathetic Logan for once. Honestly, why do I keep writing him as evil? It's a mystery to me as much as it is to you.


	9. Above The Stars (Our Own Constellation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me"
> 
> -probably Logan at some point let's be real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn this made my search history incriminating. "Penalty for arson florida" "Penalty for unethical medical practices florida" "third degree felony jail time florida" honestly if I lived in florida the Florida Man would be trying to recruit me and I've never written the word florida so many times in one note. Fun times.

Logan had been surprised when Janus visited him in prison for the first time, a few months after the incriminating week.

Logan had been shocked when Janus kept visiting him, and eventually convinced the others to join him.

And Logan had been quite honestly flabbergasted when, at the end of his two-year sentence and carrying a five-thousand dollar fine, the group had offered him a place to live.

Or that was what Patton had told Janus, anyways. In all honesty Janus was quite inclined to believe him- an empath who's brain was altered to make him even more of an empath tends to be quite perceptive when it comes to these things. Not to mention that Janus was slowly learning how to trust again, after the Procedures had all but torn that ability away from him, and Patton had been one of the first to receive the honor (he'd almost cried the first time Janus had allowed him to take care of his snakes for an entire week while visiting family. The snakes had also been unreasonably happy, those traiterous bastards). 

Speaking of which- they all lived together now. It hadn't been the original plan, but when Virgil brought it up in the midst of a debate about how the reward money should be split there seemed like no better option. Janus' home had burned down (two years in prison for Logan and the strange assistant for arson), Virgil had already been living in an ungodly hellhole of a dorm for college, and Roman and Remus were just happy to get out of their car. Not too far from the university, yet still ironically near the mountains, the place had immediately felt like home. 

But about Logan- Janus could still see the shock etched on his face like it was two seconds ago. The sheer hope, that seemed so new to the man.

_"Sincerely? You are offering me a place in your home?" For once, Logan was fumbling for words. "But I- I pointed a gun at you. I helped inject you, I tricked you, I-"_

_Janus laid a hand on his shoulder. "This was a group descision, Logan. We cannot achieve closure until you do." He wrinkled his nose. "To be honest, me and Virgil were all for letting you struggle for a few weeks before swooping in like scaled angels from heaven, but Patton said that would be cruel." He picked at the tip of his glove, raising one eyebrow towards the sky. "Not that I'm especially opposed to cruel- that actually made me want to do it more, but you've seen Pat's puppy dog eyes. They should be outlawed by the Geneva convention, really. Biological weapons at the least."_

_Logan was still looking a bit shell-shocked, and Janus realized he'd been moving too quickly. While the group of five had already had the chance to come to terms with the descision, this was coming out of nowhere for Logan. He'd probably envisioned himelf starving, living the twins' old life, Janus realized with a shiver. His expression softened. "Look, Logan. You've already gone through enough for what you did. With Em-Picani," Logan visibly flinched "And your years in here, you would have to have a heart of steel to not have changed._

_"And don't even try to tell me that you do. You know I'll know that you're lying."_

And that was it. Well, not really- none of them ever changed back. Janus was still a pathological liar, Roman took months to even be able to type without beginning to shake, and Remus woke up screaming more nights than not from imagined horrors that Janus couldn't even start to process. Didn't want to process, because Remus' frantic mumbling deep into the night was descriptive enough. Patton would sometimes start sobbing or panicking in public, because of the combined forces of so many people's often negative emotions. Virgil's panic attacks were devastating, to say the least. The medication helped, but sometimes they would come back, and Janus' heart would break all over again. Because Virgil looked so torn apart, so terrified, so lacerated with anxiety every time, and Janus did kind of want to murder Logan then. Nobody got to put his friend through that. Patton had learned to push his own calm into Virgil, but sometimes he wasn't there, or it wasn't enough.

But if Virgil could forgive, then so could Janus. Not that he didn't purposefully step on Logan's toes, or never fully close his door, or almost 'accidently' push him down their flight of stairs the first few weeks after Logan moved in, but Patton had eventually caught on and forced him to stop. Janus had seen Patton's little grin when Janus described some of his more nefarious plots, but chose not to bring it up out of kindness.

Because the fact was that Logan was just as much of a victim as the rest of them. It had taken a while, but there was one night when Logan truly opened up.

Janus had been on their tiny excuse for a porch, staring at the stars. Some days his inner, amplified voice of self-preservation would keep him awake for hours, making him that much closer to the animal Picani had wanted him to be. Somehow he wasn't surprised or startled when he heard the clearing of a throat. He turned around and gave a slight, dry smile.

"Logan. Fancy seeing you around these parts."

"We live together, Janus- oh, you are being sarcastic. I see." Logan hung back a moment, but eventually relented and came to rest next to Janus on the railing. He stared up at the stars for a few minutes before opening his mouth to speak again.

"I think I owe you an explanation."

Janus scoffed. "You owe all of us an explanation. We may tolerate you, maybe even like you-" Logans' surprise was almost laughable "but being an endearing nerd doesn't mean you're off the hook. One day I'm going to set Pretty Patricia loose in your room so she can dismantle the unjust hierarchy that is your bookshelves."

"Yes, I suppose putting a soulist snake in my bedroom is something that I.." Logan scrunched up his face in thought "...Have coming. I am almost certain that that is the correct usage, though Remus keeps giggling whenever I say it."

"No, you're right, Remus' mind just has ancestral roots in the gutter. I did think you had something to tell me?"

Logan had the decency to look a little bashful. "I did. I shall start from the beginning, if that is acceptable." Janus nodded and fully faced Logan, side-sprawling against the railing.

"As I've told you in the past, I used to work with the mechanics of the brain. How it worked, why it worked, where it worked in different areas. It was my passion, and still is. I think." He cleared his throat. "But I went too far. I wanted to not just document and fix, but improve the human brain. I did some things that I will always regret, and was found out. The people I hurt... I deserved my prison time. When I lost my job, I didn't know where to go except to my old friends' house in the mountains."

"Picani, I assume?"

"Yes, me and Emile have known each other for a very long time. He was kind enough to take me in, or that's how I interpreted it in the moment. He seemed to share my passion for improving the brain, and I suppose I fell in love with him, for a time." Janus could easily believe that, reflecting on the familliar way they had interacted on the fateful day with the gun. "We shared an obsession, a home, an expulsion from society. It was almost inevitable."

Something occured to Janus, that probably should have been clear to him much earlier. "You must be livid with us. We all had an instrumental role in his death."

Logan looked at him with an unusually vulnerable expression. "I am not sure if I am, really. My brain tells me it is for the best, for me and you all, but" He looked down "I cannot deny that my heart still hurts thinking about it. I cannot pretend to be unfeeling on the subject."

"And you shouldn't. Now," Janus gestured impatiently, "continue?"

"Yes, of course. We figured out a way to enhance the specific traits that you experience- anxiety, a more animalistic version of self-preservation, emotional receptivity, and creativity. I'm not sure why Roman and Remus had such different reactions, but that is just another factor that condemns the safety and intelligence of the experiment. Again, I am sorry."

Janus sighed. Logan had been continually sprinkling apologies into everyday conversation for a while now, and it was starting to get old. Not that he didn't enjoy hearing the man grovel. "You are forgiven. Mostly. You'll know when you are fully forgiven, though it may be startling and possibly painful."

"Fair. In any case, he- I- we wanted to see which ones were the best. Which would improve us, and the world, the most. Before you stopped us, Emile was talking most fondly of your and Patton's traits. I believe one of you would have recieved the reward, if everything had gone to plan."

Janus absorbed all this for a moment, trying to think of something to say. "Hey- you never mentioned if you got changed at all. Were you spared?"

A flicker of something- pain -etched itself onto Logans' face. "You deserve to know." That said, it took Logan a while to continue.

"You have to understand, my job meant everything to me at that point. It was my passion, my energy, my reason to get up in the morning. I didn't see at the time how unhealthy it was, but what's done is, as they say, done. Losing it, as well as my status, all but destroyed me. I wasn't faking my turmoil when you first saw me."

Janus nodded. It would be difficult to fake the amount of devastation that had been written onto Logan's entire form when they had first met.

"I couldn't take it. I didn't want to take it. So I begged Emile for an escape, and he gave me one.

"I've spent much of my life pretending not to have emotions. In that moment, that seemed like bliss. And there I was, with the power to do something. So, like I always have, I took the opportunity. The procedures greatly enhanced my logical thinking, as you may have noticed, but they also removed some from me."

Janus breathed in suddenly. "Logan- you didn't."

He gave him a wry smile, so obviously forced it was painful. "I did. I took away a large part of my emotions, my emotional intelligence, and my ability to percieve those things in others. My intelligence has increased, but I do believe I broke something in me forever."

Fuck it. Sadist and mad scientist be damned, Janus knew when somebody needed a hug. Logan was stiff when he first embraced him, but gradually melted into the hug. And if Janus felt a dampness on his shoulder, there was no reason to bring it up. Not even as the minutes passed, and the stairs creaked as the others came outside, sleepy-eyed and confused. Janus was ready to explain, but shut his mouth when he felt Patton's arms join his. Slowly, more bodies were added into the group hug.

The sun rose on the group, outshining the surrounding stars and filling the sky. Everything would be okay, for now.

~

Months passed before Janus found himself at a restraunt table with Roman. They had waited years, but it felt inevitable, really. The six would always be the only ones to really understand each other, after what they had gone through together. Janus and Roman had gone from partners in crime, to best friends, to a hurried date at the movies and dinner while grinning like idiots at each other.

It was perfect.

Knuckles brushing Roman's, Janus wondered whether answering that ad in the newspaper had really been such a bad idea.

Yes, yes it had. But it had been the best bad idea of his life, and that what was counted. Roman would giggle at that, years later when Janus murmered it to him while lightly intoxicated. He never disagreed, however, and the sound of their rings clinking together as they kissed was answer enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, at the end of any series I do (if I do more) I want to thank some people who have commented a ton. Honestly, the rush of happiness I get when I see those little inbox notifications is amazing, and the people who provide them more so. That said, I'd like to thank: Extremely_InsaneTM, PrinceJay, 1TheShinkuu_Boss7, and Saleme for commenting a ton and being amazing. This fic was really fun to write, and I feel like I learned a lot throughout it! Including how to correctly use apostrophes... *cough cough tf I used to write janus's like what*
> 
> Also- I know I said the Roceit would be more pronounced. I really did. But I cannot, I repeat cannot, write too much fluff. If anybody has tips for that, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks to everybody who stuck through this entire fic- you are all amazing. Stay safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Again, PLEASE tell me if I need to add more tags. 
> 
> My egos' pretty bloated right now, so feel free to absolutely destroy me if you see any typos. 
> 
> Expect updates every 2-4 days.


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